This just in! Zombie Marilyn Monroe attacks L.A.
Posted by Universal Shift
“The dead walk the streets!” This seems a phrase more suited for the beginning of a zombie movie or story. But that’s the case today in Hollywood California. Witnesses reported a haggard looking blonde limping down Sunset Blvd. just after sunset last Thursday. The grotesque beauty was identified as being Marilyn Monroe, the dead Hollywood actress and mistress to presidents. She was covered in dirt and wore a hole-ridden dress that did little to disguise the decay that had begun to eat away at the former beauty’s body.
“I didn’t know what was wrong with her. She just hobbled along like she was sick or something. I was going to call 911 but I figured that someone else already had,” said a one-eyed witness of the Hollywood legend’s return from the dead.
Monroe’s death is the source of much speculation and conspiracy theories swim around the blonde bombshell’s demise like hungry sharks circling a wounded surfer. Witnesses say that Ms. Monroe had come back to clarify the events surrounding her expiration once and for all.
“Well, I know that’s what she wanted, cuz that’s what she was moaning about while she was limping along,” reported Lucy L. who saw the undead actress firsthand. “She just kept moaning, ‘I know the truth; it must be told’, over and over again. It was kinda sad.”
Other witnesses disagree, “That’s not what she said at all,” claims Doris D. of North Hollywood. “She was saying, ‘I know who killed Anna Nicole.’”
At one point, Monroe was swarmed by a mob of adoring fans and look-alikes that quickly dispersed when the undead actress began eating their brains.
“It was awesome,” testifies local punk rocker, Slade, “There was blood and silicone flying all over the place!” Of course Monroe’s feasting on human flesh only bred more zombies, and Marilyn now has a small, but devoted, group of zombie disciples to aid her on her mission.
As the first stars of night began to twinkle far above the city lights, Sunset Blvd. became a scene of a macabre block party. Police were called in to deal with the mounting undead problem only to be added to their numbers when the officer’s guns failed to stop the zombie onslaught.
George Romero, whose movie “Night of the Living Dead” brought the zombie issue to the forefront of popular culture was brought in as an advisor. He was alive for exactly fifteen minutes before zombie Marilyn sucked out his brains through his nose.
Things are looking grim for the City of Angels. I don’t think I have much time left. I have to finish typing this email and send it to my editor beforeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee////.,njl
About Universal ShiftI am the Sonata Unusual. I coat myself with some obtuse angle too far below zero to become any warmer. I create motivation, activate schemas, moisten gardens with scents of natural honeydew. Construct this meaning, you sleepy flock. Silence your singing—despairing contortions out of tune. Shatter the brittle butterfly glass with your hideous wailing. I am born of my god’s imagination. When I die I shall meet him. For there are many things to discuss over tea…or scotch.
Posted on January 30, 2012, in Author, Fiction, Movies, writing and tagged Comedy, George Romero, hollywood, Horror, humor, L.A., Marilyn Monroe, Night of the Living Dead, Zombie. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.