This just in! Giant UFO spotted over Dallas. Mini ships stop at Starbucks for lattes
Posted by Universal Shift
The scene in Dallas today was one of awe mixed with fear as a giant alien mothership appeared over the metro area, casting the entire DFW area in a large shadow. Residents turned from curious to desperate when the mothership began dispersing smaller ships.
At first, the smaller ships zipped around as if they were scouting the area. Then one pulled into a Starbucks drivethru and ordered a mocha latte.
“It was gross!” states Mandy who served the alien customers. “They were all slimy and skinny looking. And they didn’t even tip!”
Shortly after that incident, things with the mothership turned hostile. The smaller ships began opening fire on the city.
“It looked like something out of a Will Smith movie. Them ships started sucking people up like vacuums!” said eyewitness Jenny Schmidt seconds before she was vacuumed into a ship.
Oddly, the only places to escape the total destruction of the metro area were Starbucks. Every last one was spared from being blasted into pieces. A statement released by our new alien overlords clarifies this:
“Slaves of Earth, hear our decree. We didn’t intend to conquer your planet. In truth, we were on our way through your galaxy to conquer another when we picked up a radio signal that advertised your ‘coffee’. Intrigued, we decided to see what was so special about these ‘lattes’ you slaves are obsessed with. Let it be known: They are delicious. After tasting several varieties of latte, we have decided to absorb your planet into the Scizzian Empire. Your planet will be mined for its delicious coffee resources and turned into a giant Starbucks where you slaves will serve your masters with friendly smiles! That is all.”
Indeed it is. Welcome to hell, earthlings.
About Universal ShiftI am the Sonata Unusual. I coat myself with some obtuse angle too far below zero to become any warmer. I create motivation, activate schemas, moisten gardens with scents of natural honeydew. Construct this meaning, you sleepy flock. Silence your singing—despairing contortions out of tune. Shatter the brittle butterfly glass with your hideous wailing. I am born of my god’s imagination. When I die I shall meet him. For there are many things to discuss over tea…or scotch.
Posted on February 1, 2012, in Author, Fiction, Movies, Religion and Spirituality, writing and tagged Alien, Coffee, Comedy, Dallas, Invasion, Latte, Space, Starbucks, UFO, Will Smith. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.