True Stories from Dark Alleys

Based on actual events!!! 😀

Walgren Spray was looking for something. That something was very specific. Some might even call it important. But what that something was specifically, Walgren couldn’t say. He just figured he’d know it when he saw it. Then again, he wasn’t really looking for anything specific so he couldn’t find what he was looking for to begin with. Soon, Walgren grew confused and tired of all the confusion and thought it best to forget the whole business.

…Now what were we talking about?…

Walgren Spray wandered into town. Not into any town in particular, mind you. Walgren didn’t make a habit of such nonsense. Wandering into particular towns often caused particular events to cascade into motion. And the worst kinds of events are cascading ones. Cascading events just don’t know when to quit.

Being directionless in no particular town led Walgren Spray to quickly become lost. But can someone who isn’t ever going anywhere become lost? I tell you they most certainly can. And often do for the sheer audacity of it. Lost in thought, Walgren’s misdirection led him off the Path. Now he was lost in a strange town and displaced in a dark alley.
Walgren Spray shivered as darkness inched toward him on all sides. He looked all around but there was no escape. The darkness drew closer cackling in Its empty way and Walgren huddled in a corner, whimpering like a puppy.

“Have you forgotten me so easily, dear Lord?” he calls out as the darkness swallows him whole. Well, he isn’t really swallowed because the darkness doesn’t have a mouth. But that never stopped It from eating like a starved caterpillar about to cocoon. Walgren was no exception. The Black devoured him and never looked back because It has no neck.
Everything was…Nothing. Darkness, darkness everywhere! Oh how terrifying to think! But in the beginning was darkness. Void. The canvas of creation is Black. This is the first lesson Walgren learned while swimming in infinity.

The second lesson he learned was delivered to him by the Frog Prince. A large, warty frog-ish thing with a crown of golden luminescence approached him in the Black and croaked a greeting.

“It’s not what you think. This whole thing man! You croak me? I’ll ribbit your head with the Way of It. Can you croak it?”

Walgren wasn’t exactly sure how to “croak it” or even what “it” was. But he was an Idiot Savant of the highest order and often nodded at appropriate times for no appropriate reason.

This acknowledgement encouraged the amphibious liege and he continued, “When it all WAS, you croak me, it happened all of a sudden. SPLAT!! Pollack, not Rembrandt. You ribbit?”

This time, Walgren shook his head like he didn’t understand because he didn’t understand. But he learned the lesson anyway. The first OM was a yell. A chaotic management of color. This was the second lesson Walgren Spray learned while swimming in infinity.

Walgren spray suddenly discovered himself to be in a desert. A desert can be defined as a sandy place with lots of sand. Or a beach with no ocean. Why was Walgren suddenly in a desert? Don’t ask me. I’m just the narrator. Ask the darkness of reality, It took him there. Regardless, there he was. Surrounded on all sides by the canvas wiping itself clean. Tabula Rosa was making Walgren’s desert smaller by the second. So he started crawling on his belly, frantically trying to escape the inevitable. But we can’t evade the inevitable. With a GULP!, Walgren was once again a speck of light against Nothing. A smushed fly across Its windshield. And he learned. All of reality is a diorama floating in the Black. This was the third lesson Walgren Spray learned while swimming in infinity.

Swimming in infinity isn’t what you might think. It’s not like swimming in a pool in that you don’t get wet. It is like swimming in a pool in that you float around a lot. Walgren had almost resigned himself to an eternity of ceaseless floating when he saw a speck of light way off in the distance. Curious, hopeful, and maybe just a little bit frantic, Walgren began to swim (like a frog) toward that tiny speck. Yes you can frog-stroke in infinity. I’m not sure about doggie paddling or the butterfly stroke.

The closer Walgren go to the speck of light, the more focused it became until it had grown into the smiling face of an angel. He sobbed with relief and threw his arms around the angel’s radiant face.

“What’s wrong?” the angel laughed.

“Pull me out,” begged Walgren, “It won’t let me leave.”

The angel laughed again and tugged on Walgren. He felt his torso clear the edge of reality. Pulled back onto the diorama, so to speak.

“Pull again! I’m almost back!”

The angel tugged again and Walgren cleared the Black and lay rooted once more in reality. This cosmic dollhouse named, “the universe”.

“What did you see?” the angel inquired.

“All was Darkness. None was light,” murmured Walgren.

“To be Forever God in Eternal Night,” echoed the angel.

“What does that mean?”

“What does it seem?”

“It seems a load of nonsense to me.”

“Then nonsense is what it will be,” laughed the angel and disappeared.

Walgren was alone in a strange alley in no particular town. But he was here, at least, and that was something. He could feel the ground beneath his feet, the cold wind on his face and smell the stink of civilization. That was fine with him. So he left the alley and resumed his adventures, because after all, Walgren Spray was looking for something…


About That One Guy

Jason lives, laughs and loves in the Land of Enchantment. He has been many exciting things in his life, but his title has always been "author." His book, "The Ruined Man," was a finalist in the 2017 NM-AZ Book Awards. Follow him on Facebook at: Twitter: @infinityjones and Instagram @theruinedman and don't forget to check out his blog at

Posted on February 21, 2012, in Author, Fiction, Philosophy, Religion and Spirituality, Spirituality, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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