This Just In! God Doesn’t Believe In You
Posted by Universal Shift
Does God exist? This is a question that has followed humanity since its genesis. In this day and age, when modern man has become too smart for his own good, the growing consensus is that God does not exist. Well, thanks to this memo from God to the Archangel Michael, released this week by WakiLeaks, the question has become moot. That’s right. It doesn’t matter if you believe in God or not, because God has quit believing in you.
So I was in San Francisco the other day and overheard some disturbing conversation. It was an argument between an atheist and a Baptist about My existence. The atheist pointed out that in modern society, more and more people were discarding belief in Me in favor of a more humanistic approach. Needless to say, I was disgusted. I knew those churchy jerks were going to ruin everything. Over-preachy war hawks totally hijacked My intention. Claimed to speak for Me, when in reality I always spoke THROUGH them. Now, nobody believes in Me. Safe to say, more people believe in Harry Potter than actually believe in God. If humankind wants to think that they created Me and not the other way around, then let them. From this moment forward I’m initiating Project Reset. Humanity? I don’t believe I ever created such thankless degenerates. Back to the drawing board.
What does this mean for us? Well Hermes Trismegistus said that if God ever quit believing in reality, reality would cease to exist. Riiiight. I’m with the atheists on this one. It’s a bunch of
About Universal ShiftI am the Sonata Unusual. I coat myself with some obtuse angle too far below zero to become any warmer. I create motivation, activate schemas, moisten gardens with scents of natural honeydew. Construct this meaning, you sleepy flock. Silence your singing—despairing contortions out of tune. Shatter the brittle butterfly glass with your hideous wailing. I am born of my god’s imagination. When I die I shall meet him. For there are many things to discuss over tea…or scotch.
Posted on April 13, 2012, in Author, Fiction, Philosophy, Religion and Spirituality, Spirituality, writing and tagged Atheist, Baptist, Christianity, Comedy, Existence, Faith, God, humor, Michael, this just in. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.