I’m sorry.

I’ve been away and I apologize. After a lifelong dedication to my craft, my passion for writing and words took a heavy blow a few months ago. My passion and dedication waned. I became full of self doubt and loathing and actually began to rethink my purpose. For those of you who know me, this will come as a shock. I have followed the writer’s path for as long as I can remember. So much so that writing is what I’m really great at. So why the blow to my passion? On some level, I think I felt betrayed. I mean, I dedicated my life to writing and all it gave me in return was a handful of preformed plays and poems published in magazines no one will ever read. Yet all around me, talent-less hacks are ghostwriting themselves onto the NY Times Best Seller List for no other reason than they are famous. They have no talent to offer the craft, only novelty. And that’s what our society has become obsessed with: Novelty.

Novelty is distraction without substance. Art sans Creativity. It’s whatever is cute, funny and/or viral at any given moment. Novelty is devoured like mental junk food and then forgotten with the next helping of Novelty. Art in all its forms has suffered for this love affair with self-induced mental retardation. After battling this trend for a while, I couldn’t take it anymore. Self doubt began to set in. And once self doubt had a firm foundation, it opened the door for Distraction. By this point, I had given up and gladly invited Distraction in.

I jumped head first into a myriad of distractions: movies, video games, books, Captain Morgan. In short, I became obsessed with Novelty too. Because giving up my passion left a hole in my soul. And I tried to fill that hole with Novelty. It didn’t work. I didn’t start feeling more “alive” because I was going with the flow. I didn’t start seeing the beauty of the Great Machine and all of its distractions. My acceptance of living a “normal everyday life” didn’t bring me peace. No. The more I inundated myself with Novelty, the more miserable I became until I had retreated so far inside of myself, I couldn’t see the light of day.

So what happened to restore my dedication, to rekindle the fires of my passion for my craft? A literally paralyzing experience gave my brain a hard restart. When I came to, all I could do is look at the time I wasted and cry. But through the tears I saw the truth. I saw that passions and life goals should not and can not be driven by external influences. Self worth can not be measured with material wealth or some preconceived status on the Social Scale. In the end, we are all accountable to ourselves and ourselves alone. We know the paths we are supposed to walk, or at least we used to. Novelty and Distraction are like mental white noise droning out the still small voice that so desperately whispers to us. The more distracted we are, the less likely it is we will ever hear that voice and self correct our paths. But we have to try. Because in the end, we are the only ones who know what we are supposed to be doing with our lives. Everything else is just Novelty.

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About Universal Shift

I am the Sonata Unusual. I coat myself with some obtuse angle too far below zero to become any warmer. I create motivation, activate schemas, moisten gardens with scents of natural honeydew. Construct this meaning, you sleepy flock. Silence your singing—despairing contortions out of tune. Shatter the brittle butterfly glass with your hideous wailing. I am born of my god’s imagination. When I die I shall meet him. For there are many things to discuss over tea…or scotch.

Posted on January 9, 2013, in Author, Gaming, Philosophy, Religion and Spirituality, Spirituality, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I enjoy your blog so very much. In wise words from an incredible thought-provoking woman: “The role of a writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say.”
    ― Anaïs Nin

    You keep sharing and writing. There are days I think I should just give up the “sharing” part of blogging. When too much seems like blah-blah-blah I stop and realize I don’t write for others. I write to keep sane. I write to make sense and to experience life twice as much. Much love and light, dear friend. I look forward to your words! xoxo Millie

    • Thank you for reading and for you kind words, Millie. Very insightful comment. I think you are 100% correct. Writing to keep sane is a great way to describe it. Because when I gave it up, I felt more insane as the time passed. And I definitely wasn’t experiencing life twice as much, if at all. It gets to the point where one’s only experience becomes Novelty and eventually, even the novelty of Novelty wears off and we realize we only keep doing what we are doing because it has become safe and comfortable for us. Thanks again for the comment, and I look forward to reading more of your wisdoms!

      • Writers are a unlike any other profession…even when we don’t write for money. The muse, our spirit, or divinity (whatever you wanna call it) work magic through words. Allow it. Don’t stop. I am a huge admirer of your words.

  2. I feel you…
    My passion is not mature as yours but I think I can relate to your post in many ways…
    Much Love x

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