Epically Awesome Award

Thanks Eric Keys for thinking I’m Epically Awesome enough for an award. I suppose I better make up…er, I mean LIST 1o awesome facts about myself.

1. Once, in the days before cellphones, I got a flat tire in the middle of the night. I had to walk to the nearest house and use the only phone they had: in the master bedroom which mom, dad and a whole gaggle of kids were sleeping in. No one even got out of bed.

2. My favorite baseball team is no longer a team. R.I.P. Montreal Expos. When I was a kid, I’d scour stores for Expos gear and hardly ever found any. Now, it’s apparently the choice gear of young thugs and I see it on every little miscreant with his pants sagging to his knees. Go figure.

3. I fix computers for a paycheck; but secretly, I hate computers.

4. On a road trip to Reno my buddies and I were running low on gas money. So when we stopped in Vegas on the way back, we elected the best gambler in the group to take the remainder of our funds and win us more at blackjack. He lost.

5.  On another trip to Vegas I was harassed by hookers when my friend mistook a business card for a “Private Exotic Dancer” to actually be a Private Exotic Dancer. When he figured out what was going on and sent the…uh…Private Dancer away, the agency kept sending more to the room on a sliding scale of looks. The final one looked something like a Norfin Troll.

6. Sometimes I cry at movies.

7.  I believe in magic and miracles. Or the magic of miracles. Or the miracle of magic.

8.  While at a bar in Chicago, I was approached by a Bachelorette Party on a scavenger hunt. They asked for my boxers. Thinking I was clever; I went into the bathroom, took them off and dipped them in the toilet. They took them anyway and bought me a drink.

9.  I enjoy ghost hunting/ paranormal investigating.

10. I believe in the power of the human imagination to either create the future or destroy it.

I hope those were epically awesome enough for ya’ll. Thanks again to Eric for nominating me. Here’s three to send on down the line:

Moments With Millie: Great poetry and insight. Good blog to read with morning coffee. 😀

Mere Inkling: Cool stuff and well written.

Words of Birds: Great poetry blog.

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About Universal Shift

I am the Sonata Unusual. I coat myself with some obtuse angle too far below zero to become any warmer. I create motivation, activate schemas, moisten gardens with scents of natural honeydew. Construct this meaning, you sleepy flock. Silence your singing—despairing contortions out of tune. Shatter the brittle butterfly glass with your hideous wailing. I am born of my god’s imagination. When I die I shall meet him. For there are many things to discuss over tea…or scotch.

Posted on May 28, 2013, in Author, Fiction, Movies, Philosophy, poetry, Religion and Spirituality, Spirituality, Uncategorized, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. .”8. While at a bar in Chicago, I was approached by a Bachelorette Party on a scavenger hunt. They asked for my boxers. Thinking I was clever; I went into the bathroom, took them off and dipped them in the toilet. They took them anyway and bought me a drink.”

    I learned long ago not to mess with the ladies at a Bachelorette Party.

    • Indeed. And since it was the last item on their list, they were VERY insistent that I give them up. My lucky boxers, even. I was thinking, “I can’t give these up without a fight.”

      • There is a nobility in fighting a fight you cannot win, I suppose. Or so thought Hemingway, at least.

  2. —–Comment Omitted for attempting to slander the memory and good name of Author’s lucky boxers—–

  3. @jason what’s this award deal? Hope you got it bro, and its laced with tasty brown tar heroin.

    • Is that how it’s being smuggled in now? Man, technology is impressive. Why do you know so much about this?
      o.O And here I thought you were a decent, hardworking technoslave…

      • oxkarthemighty

        Yes. You would be surprised on how technologically advanced smuggling brown tar heroin has become. Sometimes laced on awards, sometimes in junk email. Very advanced. I am still a hardworking techno-slave, but far from decent. One time I showed my bare hairy man breasts in chat to a large Nord woman named Olga and we compared moles. I totally won, she just didn’t want to admit it. Very erotic my hairy man breasts are. Some say that if you gaze upon the mere passing of them your hair and facial hair turn white and need a cane or staff to help guide you as you trek your way from destination to destination. I suppose they are much like the brown tar heroin discussed earlier, addictive. There is no way to smuggle them though. I’m positive if I cut them off that I couldn’t re-grow them because I’m not part starfish.

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