This Just In!

In an attempt to curb the creative chaos around Universal Shift, I’m creating these pages for easy reference. This page is dedicated to the ever-truthful findings of the team of journalists at This Just In!

Sports Psychic Predicts Denver Win—-Will wonders never cease?

Japanese Cabbies Furious at Ghosts—As if seeing ghosts wasn’t bad enough, now they bounce on cab fares.

Good News for Bad Parents——–The blame is finally put where it belongs…with Marijuana.

UN to Eradicate Hunger with New Program———-It’s surprisingly simple. And satisfying.

Relax nutjobs. It’s all in your head.———Thank God. I thought it was the drugs.

Confessions of a Ken Doll—-Ever wonder why Barbie and Ken weren’t anatomically correct? This could answer all your questions!

Life Will Kill You—-The implications of this study are life shattering!

God Doesn’t Believe In You—-It’s alright though. In a moment, you won’t remember you ever existed.

Attack of the Pink Slime –A riveting account of the final days of the now-fictional Kansas.

Chupacabra Elected to City Council—Lock up your goats! Hide your women! Chupacabras are running your town.

American Dream Found Dead—All I can say is that The Price is Right may be involved.

High Gas Prices—The truth behind this will shock you!

Secret Society Controlling the World-— You may have wondered what was going on behind the curtain. Read this and you’ll wish you’d never wondered to begin with.

Pregnant Vampire Applies for WIC—-What’s this country coming to?

UFO Over Dallas—-A short message about lattes from our new alien overlords.

Zombie Marilyn Monroe—-It’s the zombie apocalypse we all feared but secretly wished for.

God Didn’t Create Universe—-Science can finally say “I told you so!”

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